Morning Delights: Protein World's Vegan Chocolate Pancakes

When I wake up craving something sweet, it's usually a decadent stack of pancakes that I want. In the past, I probably would have dismissed these cravings and instead opted for something simple and objectively nutritious, like an omelette or a dairy-free smoothie. However, over the past few years, I've become increasingly more experimental with the food that I make, which has allowed me to borrow ideas and create unique individual recipes that meet my flavour preferences and nutritional desires. It's all about having an awareness of what foods and ingredients are good for you, experimenting with them and incorporating them into your food. 

I think, what many people don't realise is that traditionally unhealthy foods, like pancakes, aren't always bad for your body. If you replace some of the ingredients with healthier alternatives, you can easily create a nutritional meal, one that you don't have to restrict from your eating habits. 

On the occasion that I'm craving pancakes, I experiment with the recipe using different ingredients that are hidden away in the cupboard and fridge. While we may desire different flavours and textures on our pancakes, I've finally formulated a recipe that I think is pretty foolproof! It's not a strict recipe and most of the ingredients are optional, depending on your palette and mood. You can be creative, or you can be traditional, and the pancakes will still be delicious.

My favourite thing to do when making pancakes is to substitute the flour for protein powder. Specifically, Protein World's Slender Blend. While this isn't obligatory, I like to ensure that I'm eating a high-protein diet and eliminating white flour where I can, and with the chocolatey tones, it's hard to resist! Again, this is just a personal preference and a delicious alternative!

                 

Total Time: 30 minutes

12-14 pancakes

Ingredients

Wet:
• 300ml non-dairy milk - I opt for soya 
• 1 tsp vanilla extract (optional)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil, melted + more for frying

Dry:
• 200g chocolate vegan slender blend - or any protein blend or buckwheat flour
• 1 tbsp baking powder
• Pinch of salt

           Optional Ideas:

• A handful of vegan chocolate chips
• A handful of fruit - I opt for bananas or raspberries
• 1 tbsp spices e.g. cinnamon, nutmeg
• 50ml juice from squeed fruit

           Topping Ideas:

• Flaked almonds
• Chopped hazelnut
• Agave nectar syrup
• Fruit
• Vegan chocolate

Instructions

1. In two separate bowls, mix the wet ingredients and the dry ingredients until they are combined.
2. Slowly pour the dry ingredients into the bowl of wet ingredients, whisking until smooth.
3. Stir in any additional ingredients, like fruit and/or chocolate.
4. Heat up a frying pan on medium heat with a heaped tsp of coconut oil. Wait for the pan to heat up slightly and then pour a portion of pancake batter onto the pan, making a small circular pancake.
5. Depending on the heat of your pan, wait for the bubbles on the pancakes to collapse and batter to cook. This normally takes about 2-3 minutes.
6. Flip with a spatula and cook on another side for an additional 1-2 minutes.
7. Repeat process with all the batter.
8. Stack pancakes and serve with whatever topping you like

University Diaries: Moving Back to York & Starting Year Two

Note: this blog post is very reflective and a tad emotional. Apologies.

Picture this: It was a cold, bleak Thursday morning. The air was crisp and the ground was wet. In the distance sounded the distressed cries of school children and the air was dampened with pockets of diesel. Unlike the school children, I was excited to leave home that very morning to venture back to university, and the air around me certainly felt fresher and clearer than theirs.

It has now almost been a week since I moved back to York and the air still feels fresh.

I will admit, hurriedly driving up to York from Birmingham in an attempt to avoid the forecasted rain was scary, but daydreaming about the year ahead was not. But, as I’m laying in bed worrying about my first seminar of the year tomorrow, and how unfamiliar I feel with my reading list, it’s all suddenly becoming a daunting reality.

My first year of University was, on the whole, an enjoyable experience. Like most, I had my ups, my downs persevered and got to know myself better. It was a fun period, but it wasn’t perfect. And I really didn't like being confined to such a small room in my halls. I'm not at all being ungrateful, but I think I just felt a little trapped. Sometimes I wanted to stay indoors and walk to my living room or kitchen for time alone, but university halls are busy and beaming with loud personalities, and sometimes it just got a little bit too much. It's nobody else's fault, but perhaps I just wasn't suited to being in that kind of environment 24/7. I also know that I wasn't the only one who struggled.

With everything I learnt during my first year at university I feel it’s only right for myself to create resolutions for the year ahead. Not for the sake of this blog or to feel temporarily put-together, but because I have a desire to be the best version of myself this year and make up for lost time. Now that I’m settled in what was an unfamiliar house and what is now my home, I feel that now is the right time to put to use all the valuable lessons I learnt last year.

Resolutions for myself:

1. Be confident in who you are. Not only with friends, family and those who you're familiar with, but with everyone. Accept that there will be times where you struggle and act on your introverted tendencies, but you also crave to dismiss this fear of judgement.

2. Be punctual and have good attendance. Sometimes people need to take a day to relax and re-energise, but when you miss a seminar or a social event, after the initial relief comes regret. All that comes of this laziness and fear of loss - memories and bonds that could be made. Think more in these situations.

3. Allow yourself to grow independently and have time alone. Not only will you reignite passions, but you will value your partner, friends and family more. And when you give them breathing time, they will cherish you even more in return. Being away from home is hard sometimes. Wherever it may be, home is a place where most people have grown from a child into an adult, so it's only natural to feel a bit lonely and strange. Learning not to rely on others will put you at an advantage and help you become independent in many aspects of life.

4. Don’t be scared to speak up. If you have something to say in a seminar, don’t sit in silence and belittle your intelligence. Your point will always be worthwhile. And if you want to give your opinion or share a funny story with friends, don’t dismiss it because you can’t be bothered. Engagement is key. More than that, the more you share with someone, the more they engage and let go with you. Just, don't be paranoid!

5. Do the seminar reading. There’s nothing else to say other than “do it”. Second-year counts!!

6. Respect your body and treat it well by eating well and exercising regularly. Losing will-power and ordering regular takeaways is not always worth it. You love to exercise, perusing healthy lifestyles and learning about health so keep up your passion.

7. Don’t feel ashamed of your love of Instragram-ing and Blogging. It’s not because you're narcissistic and crave attention so you needn’t worry. You were born a creative individual and are fascinated by the power of the visual and written word, so don't be afraid to let your passion flow.

8. Stop spending unnecessary amounts of money! Again, there’s nothing more to say other than stop!

9. Love yourself and your uniqueness.

No.5 Adventures In Tuscany

I may be eagerly diving into a plate of Eggs Benedict right now, but I'm also experiencing a Pizza and Gelato withdrawal.

Okay, perhaps I haven't diagnosed myself with a pizza deficiency (not that it's even a thing - though, it should be) but I'm certainly missing the clear blue skies and postcard views.

After a tremendously long 7 months of waiting, two weeks ago my partner and I boarded a plane and headed for Pisa. With a ginormous white Toblerone in our hand-luggage to keep us company, we were ready to fly far away. Well, 713 miles to be precise. 

Deciding where to base ourselves in Tuscany wasn't easy. In our heads, we wanted a large private pool and a scenic view of Siena, but to locate ourselves so far from a city centre would have caused difficulties. Having a variety of restaurants, gelaterias and central train station within walking distance was key, hence why we settled with Pisa. Specifically, an Airbnb. It's understandable why many Brits would opt for a catered or all-inclusive hotel, but there's something rather exciting about having your own apartment and space to cook for yourself. It's the closest you can get to living in a foreign city.

Pisa may have been be bursting at the seams with tourists but it didn't take away the city's magic. It may not have been green, quiet and a haven of peace, but it was vibrant, charming and cosmopolitan. But yes, busy.

Aside from climbing the Leaning Tower and visiting the surrounding Baptistery and Cathedral, we predominantly enjoyed roaming the streets of Pisa and sampling new, exciting flavours of gelato. And in all honesty, participating in endless activities isn't always necessary; there are other, more affordable ways to experience local culture, wherever you may be. Whether that be in your rented apartment or down a sepia-toned arcade. I also learnt that every moment does not have to be spent doing something exciting. The days I prioritised spending time unwinding and re-energising were the days I felt appreciative of my surroundings. With that said, I probably ended up watching The Kardashians for an unfathomable number of hours. Lol.

Prior to my trip, I have envisioned all the creative content that I could create on holiday. Both in our apartment and out and about. Though, when you're sharing valuable time aboard with other people it's really difficult to capture holiday content. Lingering on the edge of a road to take "that photo" leaving my partner talking to himself not realising I'd stopped yet again seemed unfair, as did asking for yet another photo of me outside another old building. I didn't want him to miss out of what was his time to relax, and mine, too. Though, I did manage to keep my Instagram updated!

I also came to realise that the only half-decent photos I take care of buildings, so really it didn't matter. More than that, I'm not a travel blogger nor am I desperate to diversify. I bloody love scrolling through travel blog content but no filter is going to make my travel photography look right. Nonetheless, all that truly matters are the memories and I’m lucky to have made many good ones. 

When we weren’t roaming around Pisa, we took it upon ourselves to explore the surrounding area as much as we could. Hence, we fuelled up with Fanta and explored Lucca, Florence and spent 3 tranquil afternoons under the sunny skies of Viareggio. 

I’ll start with Florence - the city was grand and opulent but not entirely what I anticipated. I had expected a similar atmosphere to Verona - magical, uplifting and buzzing with laughter - but it instead reminded me of Milan; there wasn’t really much to do. Seeing Florence’s prestigious Cathedral and soaking up the city’s beautiful architecture was fun, but exploring the Uffizi Gallery and observing artworks that I have studied was incredible. For anybody visiting Florence, I would highly recommend having a look around the gallery. Oh, and I’d also recommend looking around for the best gelato prices because you don’t want to end up paying a mighty €10 for two scoops like I did. I wish I was kidding. 

In a similar way to Florence, Lucca was beautiful to walk around but there wasn’t a tremendous amount to do, but perhaps I’m only saying this because the museums happened to be shut on the day we visited. On a brighter note, the architecture reminded of my favourite city in Italy (Verona) and I suppose you could say it had a very similar relaxed atmosphere, as well as similar pockets of oregano floating in the air.

One of the city’s main attractions is Torre Guinigi, a medieval tower that's open for the public to climb. We got some great photos from the top, but sadly I didn’t make it up the whole way. Woops. 

Out of all the places we visited, I’m confident in saying that Viareggio was my favourite of them all.

As I previously mentioned, I’m usually not interested in having a “beach day” but it was so quiet and peaceful.  I just couldn’t not! I also managed to fall asleep on the beach and develop a slight tan...Yep, never have I felt more accomplished.

Viareggio is only a 20-minute train journey from Pisa and then another short walk to the beach, so it’s hardly out of one’s way. If you visit from May-August, I recommend visiting on a weekday rather than a weekend, if you want to avoid touristy crowds. With that said, there is a nice selection of restaurants and gelaterias, but, they didn’t beat Pisa’s!

Update: since writing this blog post I have indeed gobbled down a pizza or two...

Perhaps there is such thing as a pizza deficiency after all!

The Fear of Judgement & Why I’m In Love With Trinny London’s Products

For as long as I can remember, I have always feared judgement. My school years were filled with anxiety and fear, worrying that I would be brought down for opening up. I couldn’t let my true self out to say hello to the world. And, to this day, I am my own prisoner (bit dramatic). I’ll intentionally stop myself from participating in conversations, activities and outings, all because I fear being looked down upon. 

It sounds silly, but it’s because I care. 

Soz for the moaning and feeling sorry for myself, it’s just, now that I’m pursuing my love for blogging and Instragramming, I’ve come to realise something: I’m scared of the potential judgement that could lie ahead. In no way shape or form am I shunning all the support I’ve received thus far (it means a lot!!), but, what if people start thinking that there’s nothing more to me than my Instagram? I mean, I love the world of fashion, a good cup of coffee and travelling, but there is a heck of a lot more to someone than their blog or social media demonstrates, you know? 

Despite what my Instagram and blog portray, in reality, I spend most of my time make-up-less looking after my cats, obsessing over other animals, baking and being a ‘weirdo’. And, I love being out in the country, getting mucky and having no care in the world. For some reason, I don’t seem to enjoy sharing any of that online (and I can’t take the best photos). 

Expressing personality online is a challenge. I mean, yes, Emojis can help, as can typing informally (you know, in the way you might speak to your friends) but it’s SO easy to get it wrong! I know I’ve wrongly judged people in the past for the way they present themselves online - on Instagram, Facebook and from a blog. 

I may sound a little too sorry for myself, and I apologise if it’s coming across that way, but that isn’t my intention. At all. Instead, I’m worried about the judgement towards the blogging/Instagram community as a whole. 

But, in reality, blogging and/or instagramming is a hobby, or in many cases now, a job. In comparison to sports and music, society is beginning to see blogging/instagramming receiving more judgement, and I find it hard to understand why it’s not stopping. 

We’re all human. I might struggle from time to time, but I know others are likely to struggle even more than I do. To think that people could be shutting the door on their hobbies due to their manifesting fear of judgement is sad. 

Attending Trinny London’s HQ to celebrate the launch of their new Lip Glow “Cordy” meant that I was surrounded by many Bloggers and Influencers. I’d never been in a social situation like this before. Yes it was a little scary and yes it was a slightly daunting at first, but behind everyone’s label was a bright, bubbly person. An actual person. People who don’t allow their fear of judgement negatively affect their lives. And so, I spent the rest of the evening not giving a damn. If I wanted to take a photo, I’d take a photo, and if I wanted to film a boomerang, damn right I’d film that boomerang. 

As you can probably gather from the cringyness that lies above, attending Trinny London’s launch party was an incredible experience. Not only as a blogger but as a normal individual seeking the tools for self-growth. As a result, I have begun to associate my Trinny London products with self-confidence. 

I appreciate that this next paragraph might be a bit of a cringefest but alas.

For most of my teenage years I have associated make-up with “hiding away” and “covering up”, and if I’m honest, I’d do exactly that. However, I’ve recently come to the realisation that make-up shouldn’t be used to hide away, but to enhance one’s uniqueness, and I truly believe that. Trinny London, as a beauty brand, is a firm believer of enhancement. They analyse one’s features and colours to create a personalised “recipe” for a perfect youthful glow. This is done with the aim of enhancing natural beauty to help all women and men be the best versions of themselves every day. Not only on the outside but on the inside, too. 

What I’m trying to say is, I now associate their products with my own self-growth and self-acceptance experience, as well as the brand’s morals. It’s only make-up and I can understand how it may seem a bit bizarre, but it works for me. 

When I apply their BFF Cream and Just A Touch Foundation/Concealer I feel as though I’m concealing my insecurities, as well as my blemishes. And I remind myself of how happy I was when I pushed my insecurities aside on the night of the “Cordy” launch. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still a sucker for NARS’ sheer glow high coverage foundation, helping me hide away, but I much prefer a low coverage look, allowing my skin to breathe, as well as myself and my sanity. 

Being Happy, Stimulated and Going Back To University

Picture this: It's 25th May, I'm loading up my Mum's car and I'm leaving university for the year. The term might not be over, but I'm over it. Not York, but the lack of breathing space in my accommodation and my lack/absence of pets (sorry not sorry). Most importantly, I'm ready to move back home for a couple of months, spend time with family and friends and do some growing up. I can let go off all my university-related anxieties and enjoy my summer with all the people I love.

All I can say now is, what was I thinking?

Over the past month, I have been missing York endlessly. Not just the city, but university work (believe it or not), spending time with my new friends and my partner and living a new, independent adult life. 

Summer might have been brewing, but little did I realise, my anxieties were too.

It has not all been bad, however. I'm assuming this is because I needed time to relax after a challenging academic period of revision, field trips and exams. Also, I realised that I'm used to coming home over the holidays at the end of the term, so really, it only felt natural and exciting to be back for the summer.

During the first month of being home, I spent a lot of the time socialising with friends, celebrating their birthdays, going to the gym, visiting restaurants and lounging around the house. You name it. The activities were great, but it was their company that made those moments so warm and special. 

I found myself artistically inspired and excited to write and plan blog posts, but as the socialising came to a halt and my days inside increased, I began to feel helpless. Boredom would overcome me and all I could do was overthink, heightening many of my anxieties and worries, many of which are, in reality, insignificant. I began to question everything. My future, my self-worth, my relationships, my intellect, talents, appearance, you name it. Everything I had spent so long working on to make myself stronger seemed to be for nothing. I was back at square one.

In June, I vividly remember being on the phone to my partner saying: "I know I've always struggled with anxiety and approaching matters incorrectly, but I've come to realise that it's down to balance - an equal balance of working, socialising and relaxing (aka 'me time')." 

He completely understood because he knows how terrible my anxiety can get when, for instance, I have not dedicated enough time towards one of the three priorities. I completely lose my spark.

Over the past month, I have been frantically searching for a light to reignite my spark and I have come to realise that key to re-ignition is York.

It's a place of tranquillity, happiness and stimulation. A place of safety and comfort.

My friends are right around the corner and I know I can rely on them. They are part of my academic and social life. And I adore them. Plus, In York, my partner and I aren't separated by 171 miles like we are now. He is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on and when I need to laugh and let my weirdness flow. At morning and at night, he's there.

York is, in all honesty, my new home.

Okay, you get the picture. 

Looking back, I would have liked to have not wished away time. Really, I should have lived in the present instead of trying to envision a perfect summer at home in The Midlands. As a result, the last month has been the definition of an anti-climax and there was nothing I could do about it. Don't get me wrong, there have been many amazing moments with many wonderful people by my side, but I truly believe that the bulk of my summer would have been even more incredible if it were spent in York. 

Still, I'm trying my very best to optimistically live in the present rather than wishing away time, but, I am incredibly excited to officially move back to York in September! This time around, I will have a) more living space, b) my partner as my one and only housemate, c) lots of friends living nearby and d) a greater appreciation and love for York.

Oh how the tables turn!

Being Honest About My Relationship With Social Media

The world of social media is like getting your period - you know how to tackle it but it’s a bloody pain in the arse.

Social media has become such a huge part of lives, especially over the last decade. Not only do we have access to social networking sites through our laptop and computer screens, no matter where we are or who we are with. Okay, so MAYBE we don’t always have enough signal and data, but you catch my drift - social media and public networking have officially taken over our lives.

Don't get me wrong, it has its perks. For instance, if I need (or want) to discuss an important matter with a friend, wish them a happy birthday, confirm plans or check-up on a loved one, I can do so with ease. The things we can do are pretty darn brilliant if you think about it. However, they're not always great...

Okay. So perhaps describing social media as 'awful' is taking it a little too far. In reality, what it offers is brilliant and we unknowingly take it for granted every day. For generation X, we entered our teenage years as we simultaneously devolved into the world of social media. We were impressionable. Really, it’s all we’ve ever known, and frankly, I don't think we can imagine a life without it. 

Basically, it ISN'T 'awful', but it CAN be dangerous.

When we don't acknowledge its destructive presence, social media can negatively influence our views, alter our morals and brainwash our minds. It can play a huge part in our individual growth if we let it.

It’s not a problem for everyone, but it is for some.

When we're not relying on Facebook Messenger to communicate (rather than having a face-to-face interaction), we're scrolling endlessly through our timeline or feed, prying on others. The funny thing is, the lives people portray online are often staged or false. Now, I'm not saying everyone stages their own desired life online, BUT, we DO have a tendency to post photos that positively portray ourselves and our lives. More often than not, anyway. 

The worst part is the one-sided jealousy-ridden relationships that we can develop. Whether you're examining a photo of a friend and their partner looking loved up or a beautiful celebrity taking a selfie, it can become incredibly easy to question your own life, what you have and your ideals, filling you with envy, sadness and anxiety. For some, shaking off such negative feelings can be a breeze, but for others, it's not that simple. 

We start wanting what we don't have. In comparison to others, our own life starts to seem inadequate. But the thing is, someone's Instagram feed or Facebook page does not always accurately represent them. A photo takes less than a second to capture and it takes less than a minute or so to write a caption. So, when you think about it, the photos or videos you see online only represent a fragment of someone's day and life; not every moment of everyone's day is coated in sugar and filled with laughter, happiness and love. We're only human.

Personally, I find social media to be a bit of a whirlwind. And as a nineteen-year-old female who runs her own blog and loves posting on Instagram, I also feel like a bit of a hypocrite...

I'm not going to lie, I used to feel an incredible amount of pressure to look and be a certain way online, you know, to fit a certain 'ideal'. The last thing I wanted was to stand out from the crowd as a victim of unwanted attention. Hence, I chose to only post a photo if I looked 'good' - my eye bags had to be invisible, as did the rest of my body. I'm not looking for sympathy by admitting this, but, for me, social media was a place that heightened my existing anxiety and created new worries. I didn’t feel safe.

Now, I don't give a damn what anybody thinks about my online presence nor what I post, and neither should you. For me, it's a little bit of fun! What’s the harm in that? Finding motivational influencers with similar interests and listening to what they have to say has helped my anxiety surrounding social media. I guess, it made me feel less alone.

My Instagram and this newly found blog allows me to use my creativity whilst growing as an individual. It might sound a little ridiculous, and I get that, but I can't help that I enjoy using social media as a tool for education and growth - by not caring what others think, I'm able to get rid of a lot of my anxieties and feel less trapped. But it's not just self-growth, I'm also learning about others, what they want to see, photography, and writing for different audiences. Emphasis on 'learning', okay!

So yes, I feel like the hypocrite of all hypocrites...

I may have fallen down social media's destructive pit of doom, but that was in the past.

Instead of questioning the adequacy of my life when I scroll down a social media platform, I put my phone down and remember all the positive aspects of my life. Or, I scroll through my Instagram feed. Not narcissistically, but because I use Instagram as a visual and personal diary to reinforce happy memories...even if it looks like a bad modelling portfolio!

And while technology was developed to make us more connected it has also led to the unfathomable = online bullying. An insensitive comment or a mean message might seem funny and a way to feel a sense of hierarchy but it can be a LOT for people to shake off. More so, cyberbullying can also be the catalyst for mental health disorders and psychological effects, some of which can change lives forever. It’s not all fun and games. Just because there’s a screen to hide behind, it doesn’t make any form of cyberbullying acceptable.

But anyway. Social media doesn't have to be dangerous. It's about how you use it and perceive it. 

To those who love Instagram like me, good for you! Don't feel embarrassed. To those who don't, good for you too - I respect that other aspects of life are more important or 'fun' for you. And to those who use social media as a platform to promote awareness on different social issues that affect us all, much love goes out to you.

So here’s my parting gift for those who care. When you have finished reading this, put down the phone/turn off the computer. Take a look at those around you and think about the ones you love. Engage, physically and verbally, not electronically. Step outside. Take a walk, stop and appreciate the beauty of your surroundings...the grass between your toes, the warmth of the sun on your back, the soulful sound of birds singing. Appreciate life for what it is and don’t post that feeling anywhere. Then, ask yourself how that feels in comparison to any of the emotions you've felt from social media.

What you see might be real, but is it?

Polka-Dots In Poland

 DRESS - OYSHO / SANDALS - ZARA / BAG - KURT GEIGER / SUNGLASSES - H&M

Learning To Accept My Body

My hands are up.

I'm guilty of hating my body. I'm guilty of staring in the mirror and loathing all the lumps, bumps and jiggly bits that hang off me.

The sad thing is, I think we have all, at some point, been guilty of despising our reflection, wanting to physically photoshop parts of our body. But for what? 

For as long as I can remember, I have always longed for slimmer legs, smaller arms and to be toned all over.

No matter how much weight I lose, whether it be 1 stone or 2, the curves I wish away remain, silhouetting my body. At my lightest (one stone lighter than I am now) I was incredibly unhappy. From skipping meals, feeling overwhelmed with guilt after eating, and restricting myself to a mere 200 calories a day (at one point), things were pretty bad. I mean REALLY bad. I had an unhealthy relationship with food.

Over the past few years I've had two different types of unhealthy relationships with my body and food. The first being unable to eat without feeling guilty and hatred for my body, and the second being overly indulgent and unhealthy yet still hating my body. In no way am I an expert when it comes health and nutrition, and I am a total advocate for treating yourself, but looking back, I consider my self-hatred the worst part of it all...

I constantly ask myself why I chose to focus on hating my reflection rather than being happy. It's sad.

Finally, after struggling to accept that my body is uniquely curvy, I am now learning to accept and love it. Part of this newly found self-acceptance is because I sincerely do not want to look back on my nineteenth year of life and regret not being happy and free; it is incredibly easy to let your insecurities eat away at you, preventing self-growth and freedom, but where's the good in wasting away what we supposedly know to be our 'best body years'? Or, as I see it, some of the best and most fun years of our life.

I have been the victim of my insecurities for such an agonisingly long time, and I'm on a journey to bid them farewell. Why? Well, I would much rather look back at, say, a momentous occasion, and remember a sea of smiling faces brimming with laughter...not paranoia and self-loathing. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Learning to accept my body came hand in hand with learning to accept who I am as a person, as well as who I am not.

It was and still is a challenge, but it enables me to let go off all my worries. I no longer care how other people perceive me because all that truly matters is staying honest and true to yourself. Though, I did learn the hard way...I had the oh so lovely misfortune of being made to feel inadequate by a group of people who sadly thought it was perfectly acceptable to shame different body types (even bum shapes too, weird, I know).

It's important to note, I think, that while there will always be people out there on the edge of their seats ready to body shame, they too are probably enduring hardships themselves and probably don't mean any of the crap that sprout out their mouths. BUT, by no means do I think it's okay. It's not. 

If you're learning to accept your body, it's incredibly helpful to get to the root of the issue. Perhaps its a result of:

 a) what people have said to you

 b) comparing yourself to others

 c) feeling pressured by the media

 d) an unrelated issue

Once you have found the root of the anxiety, you can bid it farewell. 

Write down the reasons you love yourself and pin them up on the sides of a mirror or the back of a door. Catching a glimpse at the compliments will help catalyse self-love and acceptance. 

I may have moved past my learned idea of the 'ideal body', but I think it is perfectly natural to occasionally feel deflated. We all have a haven't-showered-today day and a I-want-toe-eat-my-body-weight-in-chocolate human side, and letting it out to say hello every now then, well, I'd say that's perfectly acceptable. It's a lengthy process. 

My knees may be, weirdly, larger than ever, my waist might not be as small as it once was, and sometimes I unintentionally amplify my problem areas, but I think I'm finally okay with that. 

Resonating On The Significance Of Friendship

Last night, something hit me. While my best friend and I were getting ready to go out for our friend's birthday, we enthusiastically belted the lyrics to 'Mysterious Girl' whilst box-stepping in time to the beat of Peter Andre's silvery timbre. We made a fool of ourselves in ways we wouldn't around others and laughed like lunatics until our stomachs hurt. Or, in our cases, until we awkwardly ran to the toilet. Did I not mention that we'd been sipping on pink G&Ts? Well, I suppose that was a given. 

It hit me. It hit me that, a big part of who I am and who I have become has a lot to do with my friends, the extraordinary group of people I've had the honour of surrounding myself with. I cherish my family as much as I do my friends because they too ARE my family; the bonds we share are raw and real; we chose one another. But, aside from my lovely little family, I realised that some of my closest friends have played a very important role in my growth, my mental stability, and when my life has hit rock bottom, they showed me the light at the end of the tunnel, proceeding with a hefty box of chocolates, ofc.

Without intending to, friends guide you and help you learn valuable lessons, not only about yourself but about life and the big ol' scary world that we're living in. And that jagerbombs are a bad idea.

By nature, I'm soft, gentle and relatively reserved. I always have been and I guess part of me always will. Though, as I've got older, I've finally begun to appreciate and value the introverted qualities I hold rather wanting to change. Despite this new-found respect I have for myself, I know that without my friends I'd still be (somewhat) shy, nervous and dependent. Naturally (depending on the situation) timidity can possess me, but no longer do I struggle with having such little self-confidence and self-belief. It's all thanks to them. They've helped me grow by boosting my happiness and improving my confidence, and I owe them my life. Well, within reason xo

I've always loved my friends. The old and the new. But, admittedly, going away to university and meeting a wonderful group of new people, while reminiscing on the memories made with my friends from home made me realise and appreciate the true significance of friendship. Moving away has also helped shine a light on what an unhealthy friendship is and how to avoid possessing any nasty qualities within a friendship group. This may make no sense, but if you know, you know.

Though I currently believe in the importance of prioritising friendships, that wasn't always the case. There have been times in my life where I've unknowingly pushed people away, good people, due to a poor balance between friends, relationships and work. Part of me wants to say that I'm ashamed, but, I guess, in reality, making such a poor mistake and coming to terms with my error has helped prevent a re-occurrence. I can't speak on behalf of everyone, but, I do think at some point or other we all experience living an unbalanced life and, alas, we jeopardise things that are truly important. But its okay. We live and we learn.

It's astounding how just one person can enhance my mood and make me smile till my cheeks hurt. It also baffles me how my friends can read emotions and pick up when something's wrong. Between you and I, without sounding delusional, the way we're able to connect with our friends is almost telepathic; it's magical. Just yesterday, as I laughed (and snorted) with a friend about an old ongoing joke, I realised how truly blessed I am to have such like-minded and loyal people in my life. People that I hope will be by my side as I rock back and forth roaring with laughter in my old age. 

When I start to get smile lines, I think I'll blame my friends.

The Illusion of Social Media & Why You Should Read 'My Not So Perfect Life' by Sophie Kinsella

With a tear-shaped foundation streak running down the centre of my face, I'm left feeling a mixture of inspired and giddy.

Sophie Kinsella's novel serves a perfect balance of laugh-out-loud and tear-jerking moments, leaving me a) eager to dip my toes deeper into the genre and b) hopeful for a sequel. While Kinsella splendidly probes the life of a twenty-something-year-old woman who longs to make it in London, the moralistic message regarding the pressures of social media and what goes on behind our overly edited and posed feeds has left me feeling reflective...

After a move to London, Katie Brenner - a born and bred West Country girl - dreams of a perfect Instagram-able life and a schedule filled with chic coffee dates, cocktail parties and shopping trips. Behind her Instagram feed, however, lies a different, more unfortunate reality; one that doesn't include eccentric friends and spontaneous outings. Instead, Katie forces herself to tolerate undesirable roommates, a teeny-tiny box room, and a boss who can't even remember her name. Nonetheless, Katie continues to hide her country accent and her rather un-glamorous reality in the hope of 'fitting in'.

No friends, no fun, no money and no guy, but a perfect Instagram feed.

Finally, she lucks out. Everything changes when her path crosses with Alex Astalis'. He may be tall, tattooed, dark and handsome, but he also happens to be her boss. Yikes! Despite plastering on a decadent facade of winged eye-liner in the hope of appearing chic and fit for London life, Mr. Astalis shows interest in Katie's personality, not her glossy Instagram feed. 

This is what I'm talking about - the illusion of social media. 

Society's fixation with creating an 'image' online has gotten out of hand and uproarious. Creating an illusion of happiness and perfection on social media has indeed become a modern trend among many, but why?. Over the years, the media's power and influence have rocketed, leaving us with a bombardment of visual and written pieces about physical and emotional expectations. However, this isn't just in magazines that we choose to read, but we unknowingly indulge in the deceptive world of the media when we pick up our phone or turn on the radio; all through the click of a button. Many people are left feeling like they need to be or act a certain way. Hence, we create an 'image'. If not that, we obsess over other people's feeds, falling into a dark pit of dissatisfaction. 

Okay, so I'm not saying its wrong to post photos of your morning coffee and overly posed mirror selfies, not at all, but feeling pressurised to create a false 'image' of yourself and only publicise the positive parts of your life? That's not okay. And if you don't want to post primed and polished photographs of your favourite coffee shop, well, that's also okay. Creating an illusion to make yourself feel better about your hardships isn't going to solve anything. If anything, it'll create deeper and sorer wounds. You see, fakery is not medicinal. Staying true to yourself and focusing on what makes you laugh till your stomach aches, is, however, a trialled and tested cure.

For me, delving into the fictional life of Katie Brenner has touched upon a few open wounds. I came to realise that I have, in fact, been guilty of drowning in a pool of jealousy after scrolling through Instagram's many photos of bronzed and slender models. But what good is that? To be honest, it never occurred to me that people are unlikely to post a diverse range of photos that truly represent all aspects of their life. For instance, you may envy the life someone creates on social media, but you see, the images that you're being shown are only a small fraction of someone's life and are often planned and/or posed. As Kinsella demonstrates through the character of Demeter - the woman who has 'everything' - there is SO much more to someone than their social media may suggest, and as Katie Brenner begins to understand this reality, as did I. 

Comparing yourself to other people's embellished photos is dangerous...you may want their body, their hair and their follower count, but they may want your personality, close-knit family unit and wit. Taking social media and 'image' seriously is a worthless chore and I recommend steering clear of the obsession. Here's what I think: post what makes you feel empowered, reflective and stronger, whether your feed is primed and polished or diversely assorted. And lastly, if you choose to use social media like I do, let it be a diary that you'll want to look back at in the future. 

Who cares about who you could pretend to be online when you're already blessed with such uniqueness. Embrace that.  

University Diaries: Looking Back On My First Year

It only feels like yesterday when my family and I battled to carry an endless array of boxes up one flight of stairs and into what I then called my new room. I couldn't believe it. Like many others, I'd imagined and re-imagined this moment time and time again. Once the posters were pinned up and the fake IKEA plants had been positioned, what I consider to be my true experience of university life began; a full-blown cycle of peaks and troughs. 

Aside from dramatically worrying that I had meningitis, the first week of university (Freshers, as we call it) was just as I had imagined. Most days were spent recovering from the night before and attending compulsory introductory talks. Don't get me wrong, being constantly on the go and having no time to let my anxiety get the better of me was a great help, but after being rescued from the kitchen floor and dry-heaving into the palms of my flatmates, I discovered that alcohol was not my friend and one that I needed to leave behind. 

With a new-found hatred for alcohol other than sparkling rose and gin, I fastened my seat-belt and pushed myself forward into the (daunting) academic side of my new life. Yes, I attended many lectures, many seminars and read many many books. However... I didn't do it all. There. I said it. There were a couple of times when I didn't feel like going into university, for numerous reasons, but there were also times where I genuinely couldn't make it e.g. doctor's appointment, being snowed in, etc. With that said, I want to debunk any myths that you may have heard about university work being unbearably difficult and near-impossible because it's really not! Okay, well it is difficult, but it's not impossible. Everyone learns valuable lessons from their mistakes, and it only makes us stronger, both academically and mentally. I wish I had this written on a t-shirt, maybe then I would have participated more in seminars! Alas, that's something I'm working on. Though, I'm 100% more of a listener than a participator.

I've learnt a heck of a lot about friendship. Most people make soppy statements about how they met their best friends during their first week or term of university. For me, I guess this is somewhat true: I met my boyfriend and a couple of close friends during the first few weeks, but it did take the whole year to kindle, grow and develop most friendships. I'll admit, I didn't throw myself out into the diverse and unexpected world of university culture, but I have no regrets. If this also sounds like you then you're not alone! It's all about doing what works for you.

 

Rather than carefully masking my quiet self with a confident facade I stayed true to myself and took baby steps. In doing so, I've learnt a lot about myself, but I also jeopardised a couple of friendships. This - for me - was particularly difficult at the time; losing touch and becoming strangers to people who were once a friend heightened my anxiety on a daily basis, but so did trying to impress them; most of all, I felt like I couldn't truly be myself and that I needed to put myself and my mental health first. That said, there are no hard feelings.

Now that I've had time to dwell on 'what could have been' and 'what I could have become', I'm finally letting myself accept fate; some friendships aren't meant to be and we shouldn't force ourselves to impress others. Rather than search for new friendships, focus on what you've already been graced with; let fate take its toll. 

While some people like to surround themselves with lots and lots of people, I've discovered that its also perfectly natural and very common to prioritise quality over quantity when it comes to friendship. And if you've not yet started university, follow whichever path suits you!

As I'm writing this blog post, I'm munching away on a £6.50 box of 'extremely chocolatey milk, dark & white chocolate biscuits' from M&S - not the most student-friendly shop out there! While I can safely say that they are indeed extremely chocolatey and delicious, I'm also thinking about how this purchase was a) unnecessary and b) another silly throw-away of my money. Yep, you guessed it, I've been beyond awful with my finances over the past year of university, hence why I was trying to avoid writing this section. Anyway. Whilst most students throw away their student loan on alcohol and club entry, I spent a lot of money on coffee and ASOS orders. I don't regret the coffee because it helped me through many essay deadlines and for that I'm extremely thankful, but my goodness gracious me, 9/10 of the clothing orders I placed were unnecessary and now my wardrobe is bursting at the seams. Thank goodness for Depop, eh! If I could go back and give myself advice, I'd tell myself to save and save some more.

Looking back, it's a shame that I spent so much time feeling like I needed to dress a certain way because, at the end of the day, nobody cared about how I dressed. Only I did. The focus should have been on enhancing my confidence and personal skills, not my collection of turtle-neck-jumpers.

All in all, my first year of university has not quite been what I had expected. I didn't blossom into the confident young women I thought I'd become and I didn't find my feet right until the very end. I have, however, discovered my strengths and weaknesses through the struggles I've endured. Knowing more about myself now than I did nine months ago is already helping me gain the confidence I need to smoothly sail through my second year.

If it wasn't for my embarrassing drunken moments during Freshers week, deciding to stay true to myself despite the consequences and the mistakes I'd made, I would not be the person I am today, nor the person I will become.