It only feels like yesterday when my family and I battled to carry an endless array of boxes up one flight of stairs and into what I then called my new room. I couldn't believe it. Like many others, I'd imagined and re-imagined this moment time and time again. Once the posters were pinned up and the fake IKEA plants had been positioned, what I consider to be my true experience of university life began; a full-blown cycle of peaks and troughs.
Aside from dramatically worrying that I had meningitis, the first week of university (Freshers, as we call it) was just as I had imagined. Most days were spent recovering from the night before and attending compulsory introductory talks. Don't get me wrong, being constantly on the go and having no time to let my anxiety get the better of me was a great help, but after being rescued from the kitchen floor and dry-heaving into the palms of my flatmates, I discovered that alcohol was not my friend and one that I needed to leave behind.
With a new-found hatred for alcohol other than sparkling rose and gin, I fastened my seat-belt and pushed myself forward into the (daunting) academic side of my new life. Yes, I attended many lectures, many seminars and read many many books. However... I didn't do it all. There. I said it. There were a couple of times when I didn't feel like going into university, for numerous reasons, but there were also times where I genuinely couldn't make it e.g. doctor's appointment, being snowed in, etc. With that said, I want to debunk any myths that you may have heard about university work being unbearably difficult and near-impossible because it's really not! Okay, well it is difficult, but it's not impossible. Everyone learns valuable lessons from their mistakes, and it only makes us stronger, both academically and mentally. I wish I had this written on a t-shirt, maybe then I would have participated more in seminars! Alas, that's something I'm working on. Though, I'm 100% more of a listener than a participator.
I've learnt a heck of a lot about friendship. Most people make soppy statements about how they met their best friends during their first week or term of university. For me, I guess this is somewhat true: I met my boyfriend and a couple of close friends during the first few weeks, but it did take the whole year to kindle, grow and develop most friendships. I'll admit, I didn't throw myself out into the diverse and unexpected world of university culture, but I have no regrets. If this also sounds like you then you're not alone! It's all about doing what works for you.
Rather than carefully masking my quiet self with a confident facade I stayed true to myself and took baby steps. In doing so, I've learnt a lot about myself, but I also jeopardised a couple of friendships. This - for me - was particularly difficult at the time; losing touch and becoming strangers to people who were once a friend heightened my anxiety on a daily basis, but so did trying to impress them; most of all, I felt like I couldn't truly be myself and that I needed to put myself and my mental health first. That said, there are no hard feelings.
Now that I've had time to dwell on 'what could have been' and 'what I could have become', I'm finally letting myself accept fate; some friendships aren't meant to be and we shouldn't force ourselves to impress others. Rather than search for new friendships, focus on what you've already been graced with; let fate take its toll.
While some people like to surround themselves with lots and lots of people, I've discovered that its also perfectly natural and very common to prioritise quality over quantity when it comes to friendship. And if you've not yet started university, follow whichever path suits you!
As I'm writing this blog post, I'm munching away on a £6.50 box of 'extremely chocolatey milk, dark & white chocolate biscuits' from M&S - not the most student-friendly shop out there! While I can safely say that they are indeed extremely chocolatey and delicious, I'm also thinking about how this purchase was a) unnecessary and b) another silly throw-away of my money. Yep, you guessed it, I've been beyond awful with my finances over the past year of university, hence why I was trying to avoid writing this section. Anyway. Whilst most students throw away their student loan on alcohol and club entry, I spent a lot of money on coffee and ASOS orders. I don't regret the coffee because it helped me through many essay deadlines and for that I'm extremely thankful, but my goodness gracious me, 9/10 of the clothing orders I placed were unnecessary and now my wardrobe is bursting at the seams. Thank goodness for Depop, eh! If I could go back and give myself advice, I'd tell myself to save and save some more.
Looking back, it's a shame that I spent so much time feeling like I needed to dress a certain way because, at the end of the day, nobody cared about how I dressed. Only I did. The focus should have been on enhancing my confidence and personal skills, not my collection of turtle-neck-jumpers.
All in all, my first year of university has not quite been what I had expected. I didn't blossom into the confident young women I thought I'd become and I didn't find my feet right until the very end. I have, however, discovered my strengths and weaknesses through the struggles I've endured. Knowing more about myself now than I did nine months ago is already helping me gain the confidence I need to smoothly sail through my second year.
If it wasn't for my embarrassing drunken moments during Freshers week, deciding to stay true to myself despite the consequences and the mistakes I'd made, I would not be the person I am today, nor the person I will become.
