For as long as I can remember, I have always feared judgement. My school years were filled with anxiety and fear, worrying that I would be brought down for opening up. I couldn’t let my true self out to say hello to the world. And, to this day, I am my own prisoner (bit dramatic). I’ll intentionally stop myself from participating in conversations, activities and outings, all because I fear being looked down upon.
It sounds silly, but it’s because I care.
Soz for the moaning and feeling sorry for myself, it’s just, now that I’m pursuing my love for blogging and Instragramming, I’ve come to realise something: I’m scared of the potential judgement that could lie ahead. In no way shape or form am I shunning all the support I’ve received thus far (it means a lot!!), but, what if people start thinking that there’s nothing more to me than my Instagram? I mean, I love the world of fashion, a good cup of coffee and travelling, but there is a heck of a lot more to someone than their blog or social media demonstrates, you know?
Despite what my Instagram and blog portray, in reality, I spend most of my time make-up-less looking after my cats, obsessing over other animals, baking and being a ‘weirdo’. And, I love being out in the country, getting mucky and having no care in the world. For some reason, I don’t seem to enjoy sharing any of that online (and I can’t take the best photos).
Expressing personality online is a challenge. I mean, yes, Emojis can help, as can typing informally (you know, in the way you might speak to your friends) but it’s SO easy to get it wrong! I know I’ve wrongly judged people in the past for the way they present themselves online - on Instagram, Facebook and from a blog.
I may sound a little too sorry for myself, and I apologise if it’s coming across that way, but that isn’t my intention. At all. Instead, I’m worried about the judgement towards the blogging/Instagram community as a whole.
But, in reality, blogging and/or instagramming is a hobby, or in many cases now, a job. In comparison to sports and music, society is beginning to see blogging/instagramming receiving more judgement, and I find it hard to understand why it’s not stopping.
We’re all human. I might struggle from time to time, but I know others are likely to struggle even more than I do. To think that people could be shutting the door on their hobbies due to their manifesting fear of judgement is sad.
Attending Trinny London’s HQ to celebrate the launch of their new Lip Glow “Cordy” meant that I was surrounded by many Bloggers and Influencers. I’d never been in a social situation like this before. Yes it was a little scary and yes it was a slightly daunting at first, but behind everyone’s label was a bright, bubbly person. An actual person. People who don’t allow their fear of judgement negatively affect their lives. And so, I spent the rest of the evening not giving a damn. If I wanted to take a photo, I’d take a photo, and if I wanted to film a boomerang, damn right I’d film that boomerang.
As you can probably gather from the cringyness that lies above, attending Trinny London’s launch party was an incredible experience. Not only as a blogger but as a normal individual seeking the tools for self-growth. As a result, I have begun to associate my Trinny London products with self-confidence.
I appreciate that this next paragraph might be a bit of a cringefest but alas.
For most of my teenage years I have associated make-up with “hiding away” and “covering up”, and if I’m honest, I’d do exactly that. However, I’ve recently come to the realisation that make-up shouldn’t be used to hide away, but to enhance one’s uniqueness, and I truly believe that. Trinny London, as a beauty brand, is a firm believer of enhancement. They analyse one’s features and colours to create a personalised “recipe” for a perfect youthful glow. This is done with the aim of enhancing natural beauty to help all women and men be the best versions of themselves every day. Not only on the outside but on the inside, too.
What I’m trying to say is, I now associate their products with my own self-growth and self-acceptance experience, as well as the brand’s morals. It’s only make-up and I can understand how it may seem a bit bizarre, but it works for me.
When I apply their BFF Cream and Just A Touch Foundation/Concealer I feel as though I’m concealing my insecurities, as well as my blemishes. And I remind myself of how happy I was when I pushed my insecurities aside on the night of the “Cordy” launch.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m still a sucker for NARS’ sheer glow high coverage foundation, helping me hide away, but I much prefer a low coverage look, allowing my skin to breathe, as well as myself and my sanity.
